A Word on #WhyIDidntReport

I know why women don’t come forward

So as it turns out, you’re supposed to know what you’re doing after you’ve suffered a rape.

You’re supposed to know who to call, where to go, feel ready to donate slices of your vagina to the Prosecution, or to the Defense, whichever way you choose to look at it.

You are supposed to just go to the police, like nothing happened, surrender yourself, then let them convince you to make a pit stop at the hospital for the works, a rape kit that is supposed to take four hours, no-gratuitous-roiling-in-your-dishonored-vag-intended.

You are the scene of a crime!

At the mercy of the forensics team who can swab your already hurt and pained genital tissues, take whatever of your hairs or cells, your skin and blood, whatever of your vagina and body they damn well please: there is no shield, no boundary you are protected by once again, someone is entitled to your body and your private parts no matter what you might say or how you might feel about it, side by side with endless questioning, so that now your emotional well-being and your mental health are up for grabs, also. Forget about how physically painful this all is already.

After many years of different experiences of sexual violence, hoping to find some sort of underground RR for survivors, because we are violently persecuted, punished, and suffer such emotionally violent consequences because of the way our society chooses to handle as well as define rape, I have discovered the “rape hotlines”.

But nobody ever tells you what you should do if you are raped, nor do your folks, or friends, or the general population know what to do either.

The issue with the hotlines is that they obfuscate information. They buy time and they accept funding. Anyone could be listening to the hotlines and they could be recorded meaning that your rapist could easily gain the upper hand and thwart you at every turn because you are not protected, nor is any information you choose to share about your experience of rape.

Calls to hotlines could be intercepted: by rape culture-y governments, crime rings, human trafficking bodies, or by the rapists themselves and their people.

It reminds me of the way that the phone calls of heads of states, to their mistresses, debutantes, and so on were always known because all of their phone lines are bugged.

Rapists intend to get away with rape and they feel entitled to. Our society lets them, because boys will be boys. Oh and women don’t really know what they want. The powerful men who rape women know they have the means to suppress the voices of their victims, their careers, and destroy their reputations and credibility because they can.

The North won the Civil War because of their successful spying on telegraph lines, but here the bad guys obviously have an advantage because the so called “rape victim advocates,” “counselors,” and “case workers” make victims so vulnerable to espionage, retaliation, career-ruining, reputation damage, and all manner of sabotage just because there is no way any hotline on earth could ever be secure.

Every fucking rapist and his motherfucking brother, the billionaire boys club and the CSA/NSA/FBI could be listening at any time, because number one, they have done it before, as we see with Cosby, Nassar, Weinstein, and Joseph James DeAngelo the Golden State Killer, they know how to get away with it, and they feel entitled not only to rape women but to ruin them and to destroy every last shred of credibility through whatever means necessary.

Calls to hotlines could be intercepted: by rape culture-y governments, crime rings, human trafficking bodies, or by the rapists themselves and their people.

Law & Order Special Victims Unit probably listens to the rape hotlines to get material for the show. Seriously.

Rape hotlines are not safe. Nor should any rape victim have to go to a hospital because rape is unpleasant enough.

As a survivor of sexual violence, I persistently and responsibly sought access to needed support and services. That includes dozens of organizations, offices, legal referral services, and even to the hospital.

Once at the hospital, a nurse promptly cross-examined and put me on trial, then the doctor claimed that they did not have any way to test for substances that aid in sexual assault and instead recriminated me by testing me for all the drugs I’ve never done (heroin, PCP, barbituates etc).

Those tests came back negative, of course, because for the record I’ve never done cocaine, heroin, PCP, barbituates or opium.

The time I went to police to report the first of a slew of iPhone thefts, that there had been witnesses to, and suspects, and even the privilege of a ride in a police vehicle (whewee!), it took at least three trips to the police station before they would file a police report.

So, I can tell you that as a victim of crimes, even if you do have the gumption to go to the police or the hospital, you might have to wave a pistol and fire off a few rounds in the air to encourage any of the implicated “professionals” to do their job, if they will at all.

The generalized incompetence I have experienced has bold notes of cheapness and misogyny, too.

Our society needs to invest in an infrastructure to minimize the damage done to survivors of sexual violence, it needs to keep them safe, secure, and able to cope with the pain and the violence of rape.

The way that police and hospitals — and rape hotlines — handle rape currently reads as evil, destructive, heinous, irresponsible, unsafe, and so explicitly misogynistic.

Rape is bad enough, I promise, no further insult to injury or dissolution of the private and public spheres is necessary to push the message home that a woman’s body never belonged to her in the first place, nor does she have any right to privacy, protection, or a feeling of physical safety even after she is raped.

What could be more barbaric than the way this country mishandles rape cases, and makes reporting them so gratuitously violent?

How many family members have tried to justify men raping me while knowing I have suffered multiple rapes. People believe men are entitled to rape, and rapists believe they are entitled to rape and also to get away with it, and it’s a vicious circle because the norm is that people know and believe the rapists get away with rape as if they were entitled to do it in the first place, a geneology of “morals,” that because they get away with it, it’s like they were entitled to rape in the first place. As if they were righteous and right and knew what they were doing from the get-go.

So nowhere is it marked where you should go if you’re raped, you have to call a stranger, on a “rape hotline” who you don’t know, who in most cases will direct you to a therapist, which implies subtly that there is something inherently wrong with you, that you are pathologized and will continue to be, because now you are a mental health case, not a person who suffered rape, a person who therefore should be entitled to justice.

Now, the other shocking truth that I can testify to is that never has anyone on the hotlines, the “professional” counselors, advocates, or case workers informed me of what my rights are as a victim of sexual violence, and nearly twelve years after the first incident, of which friends and family were aware, I still do not know what avenues or options are available to me as a justice-seeker.

Not only is it difficult to understand what has happened to one after the shocking and traumatic incidence of sexual violence, but victims are not informed of their rights or what they might do to take action afterwards.

That is why I would insist that Civil Rights and Human Rights are imperative if we are to make any progress in dismantling the astounding culture of complicity and of sweeping incidents of rape and other forms of sexual violence under the rug, cover ups, and other efforts to shut up victims and neutralize their voices.

Furthermore, the power dynamics at stake often mean that victims of sexual violence were targeted because of the unlikelihood that they would report the incident. Class, race, and status are certainly at stake and many victims do not have the means to mount a case against the perpetrators of crimes, and that is not a coincidence either, and one more reason it often takes so long for many of the victims of sexual violence to come forward.

Our society rewards complicity, mocks, blames, and punishes victims; rape is nothing but extreme peer violence, a form of spiritual death for which the humiliation and déclassement: the degradation experienced is persistent, systematic and enforced by a set of paternalistic economies, political realities and laws written by and for the profit of a group of elite men who before were slaveholders and today still believe that every woman is their whore: a sentiment mirrored by mainstream hip hop and broadcast as art that displaces historic subjugation squarely on the shoulders of women, as an historically oppressed minority…

I know why women stay silent, because it is so difficult to overturn the violence of the rapports de pouvoir (power relations) enforced by rape and rape culture.

Why do you think silence was the norm before? Because rape is ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING, and people who have not suffered rapes do not wish to discuss it for that reason.

In fact, the emotional violence and scarring by the prurient societal obsession with denying victims any privacy whatsoever, by making their whole sexuality public domain, opening their entire life to scrutiny, and eternal, evil questioning…is a totality of violence, mutilation and social punishment complete with marginalization, subjugation, shaming, stigma, shunning, and a deafening silent treatment. Enter also efforts to discredit and sully and ruin the reputation of women coming forward. I know all this because I have felt it and experienced it. Furthermore, once again, the complicity of all those who participate in, architect, who, like the Trump administration and Black Cube obstruct justice and consolidate rape culture, are compensated, paid for and profit of and by the traffic in women.

Once again — nowhere is it publicly marked anywhere so that women know where they can go if they are raped. This information is hidden and it is no coincidence.

Some hospitals don’t like to do rape kits, as it turns out. Cute, right?

There is no victim of rape who would ever feel comfortable and confident going to the police alone and yet, in all the attitudes I have encountered somehow the societal expectation is just that — for victims to actually open themselves to a second four hour round of painful roiling in their vaginas, by a group of paid “professionals” with speculum and all — there is no woman on earth who would ever feel emotionally able or voluntarily submit herself to a rape kit after having already suffered a rape, or again voluntarily submit to such gratuitous hyper-intensfication of an already extremely violent experience of trauma.

What I mean to say is that the expectations placed on victims are perfectly absurd, and that they would need someone present to be there or to help them along; or in reality would be coerced by police or the authorities because what person would ever want their genitals examined and for samples to be taken from all over their private parts hour after hour after hour, with a speculum? My point is to expect someone to voluntarily submit to that, let alone after a rape is tacitly insane.

But- the rule our society enforces about rape is that if you do come forward, your body does not belong to you anymore, and neither do you have any right to privacy or a private life, which is the definition of what rape is to begin with, and the mentalities that uphold such violence against women, their bodies, and their tender, emotional, private selves, which is why rape is so violent.

Let’s end on a positive note.

First off, I invite you to punch anyone in the face who lies about rape, because those liars make life so difficult for those of us who have survived sexual violence.

I would be the first to.

They should get theirs and what would that look like, I don’t know, but I am so angry at those who knowingly lie and cause those of us who are telling the truth to be doubted, disbelieved, and subjected to so much questioning and scrutiny.

Je déteste des menteurs. I hate their guts.

This is a time when we need to call our collective conscience into focus and also evoke the moral compass that seems to have disappeared from all political reflections.

We need to act with integrity and righteousness, in good faith against bad.

It is time to insist on justice and on doing the right thing.

These t-shirts are clever and I wish I had the money to buy one.

Anyway, I think they’re awesome and send a very positive message to survivors everywhere, so would encourage you to show some solidarity, class, and relevance. To be in my good graces ^^.

Thank you to all the survivors who use their voices to hold space for the suppressed, silent, the marginal, and the disbelieved; you give others the courage to do the same. I know that it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’m also sure that there are women and victims all over the world and beyond the perception of the public suffering because they have endured rapes and other violence crimes, I wish that it wasn’t this way, I wish that because I had the courage to tell the truth, that I had not suffered such indecent and evil efforts to destroy me, my finances, my reputation, to push me down, suppress, stifle, and silence me, I wish that all of this was not written on my body, I wish it was not this way, and that is why I choose to speak from my heart, and wish and hope that I come through for other women who suffer so much, because I know what it’s like.

Believe women. Hold space for them. We can impove the life conditions of so many survivors today, now, and forever.

La France arrachant ses archives à la nuit des temps.